At The Close Of The Day

Here we are once again. Preparing to ring in another year. Good bye 2011.. Hello 2012.. I can smell the Black Eyed Peas right now as they cook in the pot. The Mrs. is making peach cobbler and some gumbo to round out this meal. 2012 is already shaping up to be a great year and it hasn't even gotten here yet. 

Now on to the tomfoolery. I'm here today to talk to you about resolutions.. You know those things that y'all make every year about what you're gonna do different in the new year. You read right. I said Y'ALL. I don't make em. Never have and never will. Simply because if you live your life the way you should EACH and EVERY day you wouldn't need resolutions.  So I'm not promising to be nicer to people, to stop being brutally honest or even less ass-holey.. Nope not gonna happen. 

So as usual, Facebook (CIIIC), Twitter (@xxciiicxx) and the rest of the cyber world has blown up with all these post about resolutions. Folks saying things like I'm gonna do this differently and I'm gonna do that. The one that gets me is those folks who say, 2012 is the year I end all my toxic relationships....

Now think about that for a second. You're gonna end your toxic relationships...THE NEXT CALENDER YEAR... Not today. Not last week. You're gonna end them in 2012... YOU'RE A FUCKING LIAR... Yea I said it. You're lying to everyone and worst of all you're lying to your damn self. What the hell are you waiting for?? You've said it yourself. The relationship is TOXIC.... What damn reason can you POSSIBLY have for deliberately staying in a relationship you, yourself claim is toxic.

What you need to be making a resolution to do is USE YOUR FUCKING BRAIN MORE!!! How about that shit. Can someone explain to me this logic? You know this relationship isn't good for you. You've admitted that its toxic, yet you're gonna stay in it longer than you have to.. How about this, let me take a shit on a plate and feed it to you. I bet you won't eat that would you.. Why cause its shit.. THAT'S WHY!!! Yet you'll wait till 2011 ends to decide to end a TOXIC relationship... Damn fool you..

Here's what you're really gonna do. You're gonna get rid of THAT toxic relationship and replace it with another on. Simply because you're not going to do anything different than what you did the last time. Instead of making a resolution to change YOU and YOUR MENTAL attitudes you're gonna make a resolution to get rid of others cause they are toxic...  Not yo simple minded ass. 

So for 2012 maybe your resolution should be "I'm gonna tell myself the truth more." Cause if you keep lying to ya self you're 2012 is gonna turn out as fuck up as your 2011 was.. And how do I know your 2011 was fucked up.. Well, because you waited until 2012 arrived to get rid of toxic relationships. Meaning you were in one in 2011.. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL MY READERS. THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT 

Chasing Santa....Lying Clause

A week of more ago, a reporter on one of our local news stories made a SHOCKING acknowledgement. One that cause people to get severely pissed and offended.  I mean it was so bad she had to issue an apology the next day for what she said. She admitted, at 9:45 pm, on a school night, that.... There is no Santa Claus...or something to that affect. 

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!! The world momentarily stopped, parents had to scramble and do damage control and tell kids another fabricated story to cover the damage that was done by this stupid reporter.. Opening her big ass mouth. HOW DARE SHE SAY THAT!!!

Wait a second. She's a reporter, who told the truth. Reporter, truth. Truth, reporter. Yea somehow that relationship works. As it should. She made a factual statement, during the evening news (9:45 pm). And yet this is somehow wrong...

Some will say that since I'm not a parent, I don't "understand" the desire to keep kids Innocent and pure of heart and mind. To all that feel this way. Well, screw you. Just because I don't have kids doesn't mean I don't understand this desire parents have.. It just means I get to sleep at night while you're more than likely arguing with your child about why they have to go to sleep at 8:30.

Which brings me to my point... SLEEP... I know i know, that was the worlds worst segue, sorta like having a dream about Paula Patton who changes into Sha-na-na. Its just that damn bad but fuck it. I'm writing this and that's how my brain is working right now. You know this so sit back, read and enjoy. Now where was I..

Sleep, which is where those damn kids shoulda been. I do not understand how parent's have the fucking audacity to be upset than a reporter told the truth on the news. It's not her job to perpetuate the lie that parents and marketing guru's have kept going for centuries. If you wanna go with the "idea" that Santa represents love and caring of your fellow man during this holiday season. Go with that. Not the fairy tale of some ole fat white man who visits every child's house during ONE NIGHT and gives all the good little boys and girls toys and the bad ones a lump of coal.(Evil fucker!!!!) Besides, when was the last time you saw a fire place where the damn Gingerbread Man could squeeze through it let alone Santa.

Any way. So she made a statement and folks got upset. My thing is this. It was 9:45. pm, on a school night. When I was in high school, i was up this late. I may have been watching the new. most likely not.  When I was in 6-8th grade, i was probably getting ready to pass out or I was doing something childish and unrelated. 2-6th grade If I was up at 9:45pm, on a school night it was because my folks were feeling extra nice (HEY MOM HEY DAD LOVE YALL!!!) and let me finish watching something I had already started. Not the news. Any grade under this my ass was more than likely sleep. Now unless I was in Kindergarten I more than likely wasn't believing in Saint Nick.

Sorry, parents. Hate to burst your bubble but at some time you have to shit on your kids dream. Seriously. Hell you do it anyway. James wanted that flaming red power wheel and you bought him some pajama's. Remember, you've been telling him that "if you're good Santa will bring you what you ask for." So what does James do, he's on his best behavior (or as much as he can be) beginning in October. Yea October, he know Santa will more than likely only remember the recent future.

For three months he's on his BEST behavior. He does as he's told every day. Christmas day rolls around and ....faaart.. Pajamas.. Oh he may get a few other toys and things, yet what he REALLY WANTED Santa didn't bring him.. So yea you shit on your kids desires and dreams any way, so what she said wasn't that bad.

What is bad though is that people still have kids, who are old enough to watch the news and learn or potentially understand what they're watching, who still believe in Santa.. THAT'S THE FUCKING TRAVESTY HERE PEOPLE!!! Some of the comments I read were "I find it appalling. My son was watching, as we do almost every night." or "Just cause we let them believe in something like a mythical person doesn't make us bad parents but a good one cause that means we let our kids have a wonderful imagination."  If your son is watching the news every night, how the fuck is hearing that there is no Santa a shock... HAVE YOU SEEN THE SHIT THEY SHOW ON THE NEWS!?!?!?!?

Seriously, no Santa. This was stated at 9:45. He had 45 minutes of murder, death, human interest pieces, and lame ass banter between the anchors. And THEN this statement was made and he was shocked!!!! I'm sorry. I'm not buying that one. I need a parent, who has a child that's OLD enough to watch the news and who still believes in Santa Claus to explain this shit to me. Cause I don't get it.

I'm not saying its not possible. ANYTHING is possible. What I'm saying is that if you're taking the effort to explain to your child what the news is saying, then you've had to explain those commercial talking about Christmas that don't show Santa rushing into stores to buy anything. You've had to explain how does Santa come into your house to make his delivery and you don't have a fireplace. You've had to. So explain how its OK for you to lie to this child who's CLEARLY old enough to watch the new an 9:45 pm ON A FUGGING SCHOOL NIGHT. Yet it's a travesty for a reporter, who's job it is to report the truth, to make a truthful statement.

The real travesty, is that parents are so caught up in the attempt at keeping their kids "young and innocent" that they allow this fucked up reasoning to cloud their better judgement. Think about it, Say this out loud, My child is old enough to watch the news which talks about death, murder liars thieves and cooks. And I'm fine with that. Yet I can't tell them that Santa isn't real...

At some point parents need to take the training wheels off. I'm not talking about the ones on the kids. I'm talking about the one's that parents put on them selves the minute they have kids. Yes kids are precious. Yes kids need protection. I totally understand all those arguments. Yet in this day an age of predators preying on our (YES OUR) children the biggest travesty is oftentimes the one that occurs in the home. If the child is old enough to stay up to 9:45 on a school night stop the fantasy... And STOP LYING TO YOUR DAMN KIDS. ITS GOTTEN TO THE POINT THEY LOVE SANTA MORE THAN YO ASS!!!

Stalking Claus

So while I was putzing around the house this weekend, I had a thought. Yea I know, here he goes with another of those damn thoughts. Have you ever paid attention to the lyrics to Santa Claus is coming to town??? When this thought hit me this song wasn't even playing anywhere nearby. Maybe my mind is just in a holiday mood, who knows. All I know is that when you listen to or better yet read the lyrics, a disturbing fact is discovered. Santa Claus is Coming to Town describes the exploits of a stalker. Yes that's right folks, a world class Grade A stalker....

As I write this, i'm sober as shit....Ok i'm lying, i've had a about two beers and a vodka and apple juice cocktail over the course of 4 hours. So i'm sober-ish. Now are you're reading this you may be thinking What the hell has gotten into you this time. I'm not crazy. I'm serious.. You don't believe me take a look at the lyrics.


You better watch out You better not cry You better not pout I'm telling you why Santa Claus is coming to town (repeat two times) Here is where he warns you. You better watch out. Don't you pout and you better not cry cause i'm coming for yo ass.

He's making a list, Checking it twice; Gonna find out who's naughty or nice. Santa Claus is coming to town (repeat two times) Now he's telling you that he's got your address and he's checking it. To ensure he's got the right one.


He sees you when you're sleeping He knows when you're awake He knows if you've been bad or good So be good for goodness sake Peek-a-boo I see you. Cause i'm outside your window watching you With little tin horns and little toy drums Rooty toot toots and rummy tum tums Santa Claus is coming to town (repeat two times) Don't mind that banging and rattling you hear. Those are just the duct tape, hand cuffs and other assorted items in my rape kit you hear.

Do you see where i'm coming from. This song is nothing but a hidden stalker anthem. Whats worse. I've discovered that there are subliminal message in another Christmas song. Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer is about an alcoholic.....