Back to our regularly scheduled program

 

<cough, cough, cough> waving my hands in front of my face. Damn this place is dusty.. Has it really been MONTHS since I was last here...

I'm back.. Took an inadverent vacation from expressing my thoughts and personal ramblings but i'm back. With more bullshit to share with the masses...or lack of masses... I've only got a handful of folks reading this.. So without further ado...<DRUM ROLL PLEASE>



WHAT THE FUCKING HELL GOING !!!! I mean really. The world is coming to a damn end. The Cryami Heat won the damn NBA championship (FUCK THEM). Chicago actually had a spring season for the first time in LAWD knows how long. And i've been shipped off to Lil' Beruit.. Well I haven't been shipped anywhere. Yet with all the damn murders on the streets of Chi thats what it seems like to me.

So what is it you ask. What is it thats gotten my drawers all snuggly up my ass crack. What is it thats made me pluck my eye brows (i've pull out my hair but i'm bald). What is it that's made me realize once more that SOME PARENTS ARE FUCKING NUTTIER THAN THESE FOLKS ON BATH SALTS (more on the zombie apoloicype later) Well.... It's.....

http://baby-bangs.com. Don't worry its a legit site. UN-FUCKING-FORTUNATELY...

Really.. Really people.. Are we serious?!?!? Is this what the world's coming to..

WIGS FOR BABIES!!!!

I'm sorry. I know i'm not a parent. Although I did become a grandfather back in May (go figure) HEY DJ!!. Where was I. Oh yea.. parenting... There are certain things that are expected from babies. They piss and shit themselves. They have no teeth. They can't walk or talk.. And most are hairless.. Its a natural born fact. Some babies are born with hair and some are not. That's fine. Its to be EXPECTED.. So why this..

Who in the hell wants to give a baby a hair piece.. Yes thats all it is. its a fucking TOUPEE for babies..

Like this








                                              

or this
       
Or heaven forbid this piece of shit


     

SERIOUSLY FOLKS.. Babies are meant to be bald for a while. If there's something wrong and the babies hair isn't growing then you still love that child as they are. It's bad enough that kids grow are starting to have body image issues in the adolescent years. Now you there's a movement to screw them up even earlier..

Stop it folks. For the love of the almighty stop it. Barring any medical illness your child will grow hair. If they don't then being a loving parent you'll love that child as is.. Flaws and all. When you start putting shit like this on a child's head its not for the child.. Its for your own selfish ass. You sorry excuse for a loving protecting providing parent. It's all on you..


P.S I promise to be more active with this blog of mine. Some folks have told me that they actually enjoy my skewed take on reality and everythuign that comes along with it. So i'll keep it going as much as possible..

Coming soon.

 Why a woman can't teach a lil boy to be a man..

It's all on you

STOP, IT'S ME!!! PLEASE DON'T SHOOT ITS ME!!!

I know, i know. I've been away for a while. It seems like every time I post I say I'm gonna be more regular. And every time. More time drifts by.. Well this extended hiatus was for good cause..Mainly Won't go into it but its been a wild couple of months. And now I'm BAAACK!!!! For a bit

A lot has happened since I last posted. I wanted to post about Whitney and all the shade that's been tossed at Bobby Brown.. Then I realized it was too much like Amy Whinehouse. I didn't want to harp on that.... Actually, no my comments on the whole Whitney situation would probably have stepped on someone's feelings and emotions (see I can be a softee sometimes).

One of my faithful readers commented on me not having anything to write about.  Told her, when you're are ignorant in the head as I am there's ALWAYS something to write or talk about. In all honesty. I just haven't made time to put my ramblings to paper.

So with that in mind. I'm gonna make an honest effort to post something on a somewhat regular basis. Now.. <insert drum roll please> OUR FEATURED PRESENTATION!!!!!!

If you're a parent you may want to stop at this point.. Simply because I'm more than like lt about to shit all over you. Not just you though. I'll be shitting on your parents and your parents parents and your parents parents parents and yours...... you get the point. I swear that as a general rule of thumb parents screw their kids up for a time in their lives. Especially when they're young..

Yea I've said it. You've FUCKED THEM UP MENTALLY (for a time)!!! Just as your parents did to you. Think about it. There's was some point in your child hood where mom and dad did shit that to you, and that shit scared the hell out of you. And that fear lingers with you to this day. Don't even front, YOU'VE GOT A TRIGGER.. Hell I've got one. For me it's when someone...........Oh you thought I was gonna tell you, so you could torment my ass.. FUCK THAT SHIT!!! That's my own private hell and I'll burn in it (occasionally) without any assistance from you..

So back to parents fucking up their kids. The worst offenders of this tragedy are the parents of young kids. YEAH Y'ALL!!!! And here's what I mean. When you're in the house you spend all day worrying about the dangers your child can get into while in the home. You're worrying about the strange man that smiled at you all when you were out walking. You worry about pollution, green house gasses, germs from other kids.. You WORRY WORRY WORRY...

As a result of all that worrying you grab your kids EXTRA HARD when there is some perceived threat. You shelter them from every "harmful" thing on television. You cover their ears when you don't want them to hear "something bad". Yet have you ever asked yourself how harmful your behavior is to your kid..... HMMMMMM!?!?!?!? I'm not a psychologist (lord have mercy I could not imagine having their job) but I'd venture a guess at saying in your rush to "protect" you're actually harming them..

Oh I'm sure someone will say "You're not a parent so you don't understand..." And you're right I don't (oh and fuck you for rubbing my lack in my face) but I am an uncle and a god father and a step father and most importantly a child.. Think about this. Ever wonder why your child takes a second and pauses and looks at you when you grab them BEFORE they cry and scream.... Cause they're probably thinking "This crazy (sexist gender slur) hurt me and I didn't do nothing." You know I'm right..

Don't believe me.. Examine your own quirks... Those itty bitty idiosyncrasies that you've got. They started when... EXACTLY!! And if it didn't happen during your adult year, they those pre teen years is when you were fucked..

Here are some "PLAUSIBLE" examples..

As a college student  you're a black out drunk every night. Mom and dad most likely didn't  let you have any sort of fun.

You child starts pre-school and they have no social skills. Teacher calls you talking about Little (insert cute baby name that will haunt child for life here) doesn't really know how to interact with kids. Or they are a bully. That child probably had a parent who didn't cut the umbilical till the day before school started. You know the ones, the child is big enough to fold their clothes but you're still dressing them. They can run and jump yet you carry them EVERY DAMN WHERE!!!. Every thing the child asks for you get..  Oh yea you know them

As a teen your son has a penchant for yelling out "Hey bitch," at several of the young girls in the neighborhood.. You spoiled his ass and made him into the little punk bitch he is today...

In high school you wake up with cum in your hair, ass, mouth and you can't see cause you're got a seman wrap on your face.. Mom and day stressed that boys were the devil and that they were all dirty and no good...

I can go on and on but I'll stop here. Simply to say.. Yes parenting is hard.. And scary.. Yet every time you take a step to "protect" your child from some harm, think about protecting them from you.. You're the biggest detriment to your child's mental, emotionally and physical well being simply because you see them the most.. Let them learn. Let them lose and let them cry. Just think about how your parents raised you... And for most of y'all AVOID EVERYTHING YOUR PARENTS DID TO YOU CAUSE YOU'RE PROBABLY FUCKED UP ANYWAY...

Guess its a good thing I don't have kids.. I can imagine being called to the school weekly cause of some smart mouth comment my kids made.... MERCY!!!!
Till Next time friends...

Protect their Hearts: Message from Child to Child

=======================================================================

I will never have kids. I'll never know the joy of watching my child be born. First steps, first words, first day of school, is not in my future. My step kids choose not listen to me because I'm not a "parent". That's fine also. I still love them regardless of how they feel towards me. I understand that all the things  I don't have is all apart of  God's plan for me. And I embrace it whole heatedly. I'm not writing this to talk or bitch and moan about me and my lacks. I write this not as a parent. I write this as an adult. I write this as a friend. I write this as a man. Most importantly I write this as a child.

Recently several events happened close to home that made me sit back and think about my youth. Those things that I did, be it under the veil of  invincibility that all kids live under (til a certain age). Or under the veil of youthful ignorance. Yea I indulged.  Not as much as some of my peers but much more than others. Each time I did something youthfully stupid I always thought I wasn't hurting anyone. Especially if I wasn't caught doing it.

I mean lets be honest. If you're not caught, who cares what you did. If no one is hurt, where's the harm in it. No matter what IT is I didn't care. Just like you. You figure that if your parents don't care then its all good. And even if you are caught, you figure What the hell is the big deal its just (fill in the blank).

I want to let you know that it matters. That someone cares. And its your job to care that someone about that someone who cares. Its your job to Protect Their Hearts.. This is my message to you. Protect Their Hearts. 

Parents aren't the end all be all of everything in the world. They are not perfect. They make mistakes. Some are better than others yet all deserve your protection. Their hearts deserve your protection. This is especially true in instances when the parent or parents do EVERYTHING THEY CAN to provide for you. They work shitty jobs. Go days without a good nights sleep cause they worry about you. They lay down their lives so that you can have a chance at life. You OWE them!!! Yea I said it. You OWE THEM!. 

Now I'm not saying that you owe them cash or time. You don't have to put your life on hold for them. Decent parents NEVER ask this of their children. A lot of times they very rarely ask anything of you. That doesn't mean they don't want things from you. Things OF you. They just won't ask, hint or flat out mention them. Simply because a parents job is many times a thank less one. So as the child, its your job to Protect Their Hearts.

What does this mean, Protect Their Hearts.. Simply put, you need to act and carry yourself in a fashion that will make them proud. In whatever you do strive to make your parents proud. All of your actions should be designed to Protect Their Hearts. That means being grateful for WHATEVER they give you. It means taking advantage of the life they've provided for you. The knowledge that they have over you. An older person will ALWAYS be wiser than you. They may not be more book smart than you yet life isn't lived on paper. Life doesn't always have a margin for you to take notes. So shut up when they are telling you something. Listen to the knowledge that they will impart to you.. 

Protecting the Hearts of your parents will always be a lifetime job. It will be a thankless job. Thankless in the sense there are no monetary or physical rewards. You won't get a medal or any checks. Your parents may not ever thank you for Protecting Their Heart. Likewise they will NEVER tell you when you've broken theirs. Yes as a child you can break your parents hearts. 

Shocking isn't it. You didn't think there was anything you can do to break a parents heart. Hell truth be told your parent probably has a broken heart RIGHT NOW because of something you did. Sit down and think about it. You've done something that you KNOW hurt them. Did they tell you that you'd broken their heart? Did you see the tears that they shed due to your failing to protect them. So yea, as a child you can break a parents heart. This doesn't mean that they will love you any less. A parents love, is one that is  unquestionable. So do your job...

I'm gonna end this here simply because it's time. As I stated at the beginning. I'm not a parent. This might be a blessing. Simply because I won't endure the heart break and pain of my child failing to Protect My Heart. I won't have a spouse to worry about me wondering if I'll ever recover from it. Or friends protecting me from my kids. All I ask is that you as a child do what you must to Protect the Hearts of your parents.

Please pass this message around to all the children you know. 

At The Close Of The Day

Here we are once again. Preparing to ring in another year. Good bye 2011.. Hello 2012.. I can smell the Black Eyed Peas right now as they cook in the pot. The Mrs. is making peach cobbler and some gumbo to round out this meal. 2012 is already shaping up to be a great year and it hasn't even gotten here yet. 

Now on to the tomfoolery. I'm here today to talk to you about resolutions.. You know those things that y'all make every year about what you're gonna do different in the new year. You read right. I said Y'ALL. I don't make em. Never have and never will. Simply because if you live your life the way you should EACH and EVERY day you wouldn't need resolutions.  So I'm not promising to be nicer to people, to stop being brutally honest or even less ass-holey.. Nope not gonna happen. 

So as usual, Facebook (CIIIC), Twitter (@xxciiicxx) and the rest of the cyber world has blown up with all these post about resolutions. Folks saying things like I'm gonna do this differently and I'm gonna do that. The one that gets me is those folks who say, 2012 is the year I end all my toxic relationships....

Now think about that for a second. You're gonna end your toxic relationships...THE NEXT CALENDER YEAR... Not today. Not last week. You're gonna end them in 2012... YOU'RE A FUCKING LIAR... Yea I said it. You're lying to everyone and worst of all you're lying to your damn self. What the hell are you waiting for?? You've said it yourself. The relationship is TOXIC.... What damn reason can you POSSIBLY have for deliberately staying in a relationship you, yourself claim is toxic.

What you need to be making a resolution to do is USE YOUR FUCKING BRAIN MORE!!! How about that shit. Can someone explain to me this logic? You know this relationship isn't good for you. You've admitted that its toxic, yet you're gonna stay in it longer than you have to.. How about this, let me take a shit on a plate and feed it to you. I bet you won't eat that would you.. Why cause its shit.. THAT'S WHY!!! Yet you'll wait till 2011 ends to decide to end a TOXIC relationship... Damn fool you..

Here's what you're really gonna do. You're gonna get rid of THAT toxic relationship and replace it with another on. Simply because you're not going to do anything different than what you did the last time. Instead of making a resolution to change YOU and YOUR MENTAL attitudes you're gonna make a resolution to get rid of others cause they are toxic...  Not yo simple minded ass. 

So for 2012 maybe your resolution should be "I'm gonna tell myself the truth more." Cause if you keep lying to ya self you're 2012 is gonna turn out as fuck up as your 2011 was.. And how do I know your 2011 was fucked up.. Well, because you waited until 2012 arrived to get rid of toxic relationships. Meaning you were in one in 2011.. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL MY READERS. THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT 

Chasing Santa....Lying Clause

A week of more ago, a reporter on one of our local news stories made a SHOCKING acknowledgement. One that cause people to get severely pissed and offended.  I mean it was so bad she had to issue an apology the next day for what she said. She admitted, at 9:45 pm, on a school night, that.... There is no Santa Claus...or something to that affect. 

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!! The world momentarily stopped, parents had to scramble and do damage control and tell kids another fabricated story to cover the damage that was done by this stupid reporter.. Opening her big ass mouth. HOW DARE SHE SAY THAT!!!

Wait a second. She's a reporter, who told the truth. Reporter, truth. Truth, reporter. Yea somehow that relationship works. As it should. She made a factual statement, during the evening news (9:45 pm). And yet this is somehow wrong...

Some will say that since I'm not a parent, I don't "understand" the desire to keep kids Innocent and pure of heart and mind. To all that feel this way. Well, screw you. Just because I don't have kids doesn't mean I don't understand this desire parents have.. It just means I get to sleep at night while you're more than likely arguing with your child about why they have to go to sleep at 8:30.

Which brings me to my point... SLEEP... I know i know, that was the worlds worst segue, sorta like having a dream about Paula Patton who changes into Sha-na-na. Its just that damn bad but fuck it. I'm writing this and that's how my brain is working right now. You know this so sit back, read and enjoy. Now where was I..

Sleep, which is where those damn kids shoulda been. I do not understand how parent's have the fucking audacity to be upset than a reporter told the truth on the news. It's not her job to perpetuate the lie that parents and marketing guru's have kept going for centuries. If you wanna go with the "idea" that Santa represents love and caring of your fellow man during this holiday season. Go with that. Not the fairy tale of some ole fat white man who visits every child's house during ONE NIGHT and gives all the good little boys and girls toys and the bad ones a lump of coal.(Evil fucker!!!!) Besides, when was the last time you saw a fire place where the damn Gingerbread Man could squeeze through it let alone Santa.

Any way. So she made a statement and folks got upset. My thing is this. It was 9:45. pm, on a school night. When I was in high school, i was up this late. I may have been watching the new. most likely not.  When I was in 6-8th grade, i was probably getting ready to pass out or I was doing something childish and unrelated. 2-6th grade If I was up at 9:45pm, on a school night it was because my folks were feeling extra nice (HEY MOM HEY DAD LOVE YALL!!!) and let me finish watching something I had already started. Not the news. Any grade under this my ass was more than likely sleep. Now unless I was in Kindergarten I more than likely wasn't believing in Saint Nick.

Sorry, parents. Hate to burst your bubble but at some time you have to shit on your kids dream. Seriously. Hell you do it anyway. James wanted that flaming red power wheel and you bought him some pajama's. Remember, you've been telling him that "if you're good Santa will bring you what you ask for." So what does James do, he's on his best behavior (or as much as he can be) beginning in October. Yea October, he know Santa will more than likely only remember the recent future.

For three months he's on his BEST behavior. He does as he's told every day. Christmas day rolls around and ....faaart.. Pajamas.. Oh he may get a few other toys and things, yet what he REALLY WANTED Santa didn't bring him.. So yea you shit on your kids desires and dreams any way, so what she said wasn't that bad.

What is bad though is that people still have kids, who are old enough to watch the news and learn or potentially understand what they're watching, who still believe in Santa.. THAT'S THE FUCKING TRAVESTY HERE PEOPLE!!! Some of the comments I read were "I find it appalling. My son was watching, as we do almost every night." or "Just cause we let them believe in something like a mythical person doesn't make us bad parents but a good one cause that means we let our kids have a wonderful imagination."  If your son is watching the news every night, how the fuck is hearing that there is no Santa a shock... HAVE YOU SEEN THE SHIT THEY SHOW ON THE NEWS!?!?!?!?

Seriously, no Santa. This was stated at 9:45. He had 45 minutes of murder, death, human interest pieces, and lame ass banter between the anchors. And THEN this statement was made and he was shocked!!!! I'm sorry. I'm not buying that one. I need a parent, who has a child that's OLD enough to watch the news and who still believes in Santa Claus to explain this shit to me. Cause I don't get it.

I'm not saying its not possible. ANYTHING is possible. What I'm saying is that if you're taking the effort to explain to your child what the news is saying, then you've had to explain those commercial talking about Christmas that don't show Santa rushing into stores to buy anything. You've had to explain how does Santa come into your house to make his delivery and you don't have a fireplace. You've had to. So explain how its OK for you to lie to this child who's CLEARLY old enough to watch the new an 9:45 pm ON A FUGGING SCHOOL NIGHT. Yet it's a travesty for a reporter, who's job it is to report the truth, to make a truthful statement.

The real travesty, is that parents are so caught up in the attempt at keeping their kids "young and innocent" that they allow this fucked up reasoning to cloud their better judgement. Think about it, Say this out loud, My child is old enough to watch the news which talks about death, murder liars thieves and cooks. And I'm fine with that. Yet I can't tell them that Santa isn't real...

At some point parents need to take the training wheels off. I'm not talking about the ones on the kids. I'm talking about the one's that parents put on them selves the minute they have kids. Yes kids are precious. Yes kids need protection. I totally understand all those arguments. Yet in this day an age of predators preying on our (YES OUR) children the biggest travesty is oftentimes the one that occurs in the home. If the child is old enough to stay up to 9:45 on a school night stop the fantasy... And STOP LYING TO YOUR DAMN KIDS. ITS GOTTEN TO THE POINT THEY LOVE SANTA MORE THAN YO ASS!!!

Stalking Claus

So while I was putzing around the house this weekend, I had a thought. Yea I know, here he goes with another of those damn thoughts. Have you ever paid attention to the lyrics to Santa Claus is coming to town??? When this thought hit me this song wasn't even playing anywhere nearby. Maybe my mind is just in a holiday mood, who knows. All I know is that when you listen to or better yet read the lyrics, a disturbing fact is discovered. Santa Claus is Coming to Town describes the exploits of a stalker. Yes that's right folks, a world class Grade A stalker....

As I write this, i'm sober as shit....Ok i'm lying, i've had a about two beers and a vodka and apple juice cocktail over the course of 4 hours. So i'm sober-ish. Now are you're reading this you may be thinking What the hell has gotten into you this time. I'm not crazy. I'm serious.. You don't believe me take a look at the lyrics.


You better watch out You better not cry You better not pout I'm telling you why Santa Claus is coming to town (repeat two times) Here is where he warns you. You better watch out. Don't you pout and you better not cry cause i'm coming for yo ass.

He's making a list, Checking it twice; Gonna find out who's naughty or nice. Santa Claus is coming to town (repeat two times) Now he's telling you that he's got your address and he's checking it. To ensure he's got the right one.


He sees you when you're sleeping He knows when you're awake He knows if you've been bad or good So be good for goodness sake Peek-a-boo I see you. Cause i'm outside your window watching you With little tin horns and little toy drums Rooty toot toots and rummy tum tums Santa Claus is coming to town (repeat two times) Don't mind that banging and rattling you hear. Those are just the duct tape, hand cuffs and other assorted items in my rape kit you hear.

Do you see where i'm coming from. This song is nothing but a hidden stalker anthem. Whats worse. I've discovered that there are subliminal message in another Christmas song. Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer is about an alcoholic.....