GARBAGEUS INTERRUPTUS

There are just some days when shit just ain't going right between yall. She's pissed at something that someoneelsedidsometimelatelastweeksomewhereelseotherthanhome. And you're pissed because once again she's fucked up whatever you're watching on television with her ill timed request of husbandly duty. I mean come on, i'm in the middle of (PS3, XBOX, ESPN, the latest Big Wet Asses DVD) here and you decide NOW is the time that THIS has to be done. It doesn't matter what THIS is, that shit just has to be done NOW. Doesn't matter that the trash has been sitting in the same spot for 3 days and we've both walked past it twentyeleven gazillion times. That shit has to move NOW!!!!! And we do it grumbling, and bitching and moaning. So what happens now. We fight. A big ass dumb ass silly ass argument all about the FRIGGING GARBAGE. I mean the argument smells as bad as the garbage will in a few days. Then what happens after the fight. We go to sleep mad. So now our sleep if all fucked up cause we nervous as hell, wondering what you're gonna do to us while we're sleep. We can't remember if this is your cycle week or is it next week. So yea i'm all nervous and shit. And you're just as irritated. So to show my love for you for the silly fight we had last night

I start the day off with a romantic breakfast. Something simple, eggs, bacon, pancakes, a blueberry banana smoothie served in bed. Gotta make sure my baby gets her day started off right. Before she leaves start cleaning up the house. Do the laundry, wash the dishes....etc

About lunch time I send her a vase full of Red Vines (candy) with a long stem red rose in the middle. The rose MUST BE in full bloom. The note reads "Like this rose, my love is in full bloom for you." Love always. 

About 2:00 p.m. I send her a text message reading ":I'm so glad you married me. I thank GOD everyday for blessing me with a wife thats as loving and caring, and beautiful and sexy and understanding as you.. I can't wait till you get home."

Since she gets off at 4:00 pm I wait till approximatively 4:45 pm  and send a text with a sound file. The sound file is a picture of our bedroom door closed the music is Silk's Meeting in My Bedroom. At this point unless she's TOTALLY BLOWING ME OFF she has gotten the message.

PEEP THE SET UP

 Lights down low smooth jazz playing in the background  NO VOCALS. I don't want any other voices but her's and mine. Dinner is a simple fare with wine all through out. For dessert, caramel covered fruit. I'm talking strawberries, and pineapples HAND FED. The juicer the better.The tone has been officially set. As dessert is ending the music changes, up first:

SEDUCTION by Usher. 

Sensual, sexy, erotic
How you workin' your body
You gon' get me
Do It
Do It
to ya
Seduction
You thought out your best
To get me outa control, baby...

As she's dancing to the beat, going up and down that stripper pole in her head, then comes

NAKED by Marques Houston

Don't say a word
Just come over here
I got somethin' I gotta do tonight
Listen

She's in the clothes that GOD intended us all to walk through life with when she hears:

MOMENTS IN LOVE by Art of Noise.

as I carry her to the room room she notices there's a soft glow of candles. The bed is covered with rose petals. The song now playing is:

AFTER THE CANDLES BURN By Ruben Studdard

Time, is all we have...
Look around and see... it's just you and me, baby...
The atmosphere is love... The thunder's rolling
Hit the lights, 'cause they keep going in and out...
I'd rather see your silhouette, once the candle's lit.. Oooooo....

Then she hears:

DOWN HERE IN HELL WITH YOU by Van Hunt

I Really Love It When
I Love It When We Make Mistakes
Because Once Again
It Gives Me A Reason To Complain
I Love The Battle Lines
The Battle Lines We Draw When Crossin The Mud
Ooh I Love It When We Fight

And all though i'm pissed, (fucking garbage), I still love her.  So I hit her with some Barry White, to let her know when I knew I loved her

ITS ECSTASY WHEN YOU LAY DOWN NEXT TO ME 

When we met, it wasn’t quite clear to me
What you had in store was there for only me
Silly, you know you took me by surprise
Then I turned and looked, I saw that message in your eye

as i'm looking into her eyes, telling her how much I love her, the music changes to

MARATHON by Raheem Devaughn

As the seconds turn to minutes
As the minutes turn to hours
As the sound of love is hollared
Time just keeps elapsing

.

Every time I see her like this all I hear is

INSATIABLE by Prince in my head

I got a jones, Martha
Oh yeah, it be like this
I can't have a hug unless I have a kiss, ooh (I can't have a hug unless...)
My body, baby, U truly do
Insatiable's my name when it comes 2 U

As it start getting good the song switches to:

TILL THE COPS COME KNOCKIN by Maxwell

Gonna take you in the room suga'
Lock you up and love for days
We gonna be rockin baby
Till the cops come knockin

Just as she's about to get to the good part. That big 'O'. This is gonna be a big one to. I mean we've had foreplay ALL DAMN DAY. I done cooked and cleaned, fed her fruit, played some sexy music, made love to her mind. This is gonna be an EPIC ORGASM. And just as she's about to hit that point of no return I leap from the bed yelling "OH SHIT I FORGOT TO TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE"... and run from the room. . 

Moral of the story is, just like you were expecting to have that  orgasm and didn't . THATS HOW I FEEL WHEN YOU ASK US TO TAKE OUT THE DAMN GARBAGE ALL OUT OF THE BLUE. So the next time you think about asking your man to take the garbage out. Remember this story.