THE BANALITY AND ACTUALITY OF TELEVISION

Back in the day little boys and little girls, men and women all would congregate around the television  to enjoy a few hours of sometimes mindless yet always entertaining shows. Shows that often times showed families in situations similar to those of the viewers. The plots although similar were often times exaggerated for dramatic flair. Every now and then, the tones of the shows would become extremely serious and touch on topic close to the human heart and condition but never discussed within our homes. As an African American I can remember when the topics like of molestation and death were introduced on shows like Different Strokes and Good Times (DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!!).  These were the episodes that generated positive discussion within households and amongst friends. These episodes joined us to our fellow human beings. Race creed, religion nor color mattered. This was REALITY TV. 

Fast forward to today and what do we have. Survivor, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Dancing with the Stars, Skating with the Stars, Real Housewives of wherever, and Jersey Shore. The state of television has diminished so damn much that we are always bombarded with SOMEONE talking about some idiotic shit that happened the night before on one of the multitude of asinine shows that pander themselves off as "REALITY" tv. I mean, television has for decades, been referred to as the idiot box. This has now become such a true statement that I, a child of the media and technology boom make the following statement. I'M READY TO CHUCK THIS SHIT INTO FUCKING LAKE MICHIGAN. I really am.

Let me back track for a second. I used to be a sitcom guy. I'm drawn towards shows that are off the beaten path, so to speak. As a shorty my show was Quantum Leap. As corny as the acting was, the show has a UNIQUE plot line focusing on bettering the lives of individuals that the main character touched. You ever notice how he could never leap from one life to the next UNTIL he'd completed his mission. MacGuyver, the brainy hero. I mean what little boy wouldn't love a show where the character cuts through solid steel with two pennies, a pair of jumper cables and a battery. Or better yet, he showed you that there ain't SHIT that a lil duct tape can't hold together. (I know some of you who've read my other diatribes are wondering where's the kicker. Don't worry its coming) Now these two shows are just a small portion of what I used to watch as a youth. These shows also have NOT A DAMN THING in common with reality TV. I mention them to say this. BRING BACK SCRIPTED SHOWS WITH ORIGINAL FUCKING CONTENT.

Now back to the issue of reality being scripted and what i see as being wrong with the whole sorry lot. When did the television viewing public become so fucking apathetic with its own damn lives to approve the wholesale distribution of this FUCKERY. I mean give me a break (SHOUT OUT TO NELL CARTER!!!). I think I can honestly say that we can thank (hate) MTV for unleashing this bastard child onto the viewing public. Yet they were just an offbeat channel looking for programming. They specialized in shit like this. So for them it was normal programming. 

YET THE REST OF THESE PROGRAMMING BITCHES GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!. All these other channels are like the second guy in a bare back gang bang. You know that someone else (writers) has been in there and dropped a load of nut (shows) in that cavernous, skanky, over used pussy (television). And you stick your dick in anyway. For the pussy involved (television), it doesn't matter if the first guy (MTV) has a 4 inch dick or that the 10th guy has a 13 incher. The fact remains that everyone after the first is just NASTY AND FUCKING DISGUSTING!!! What does this mean to the consumer? Well, once they are done fucking and abusing and nutting all over and in that pussy (television) she will get up, clean off  and attempt to go on about her life. That is until she wants to become respectable again and attempt to date someone new (writers). They date for a while and everything is good (the return of situational sitcoms some decent shows). Every so often she will let him stick it up her ass and pound out a few hits (NCIS, V). After a few years of this what do we(consumers) get? Shows covered in shit (in fighting between producers, cast, and writers) and run out of existence only to be viewed in syndication (Sienfeld, Friends). As for television, she's still a bitch, with a sore ass and no reprieve in site for the never ending gang bang of HORRIBLE ass dicks (reality tv and what not) that parade themselves off as suitable lovers(decent shows). And in the end we end up with a fucking SNOOKI  and a NENE.

If you haven't noticed there is a theme here. If you just happen to be an individual who can't see the forest for the trees i'll be blunt and point it out to you. I FUCKING HATE THE MAINSTREAM VERSION OF REALITY TV. And by mainstream I mean all the damn shows mentioned at the beginning of this journey. We can't show a strong loving black male figure in a recurring role on TV? We can't discuss sex in an open and frank manner on tv? We can't have shows that stray away from the menagerie of shit thats currently on tv? HELL NO we can't. What we can have is SNOOKI and NENE. Kill me now...

Let me set the record straight, I've never for one millisecond even watched either of the shows these two appear on. Nor have I watched any of them. The closest I get go reality TV is Worlds Dumbest. So for all I know, they could be decent, upstanding individuals (HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH). Yea right. they are folks who's lives aren't their own. Reality TV is a real as the acting is in a porno. This shit is more scripted than WWE, and we KNOW that shit is totally scripted (highly entertaining though).

RHOA and Jersey shore are just two shows that have emerged from a pit of endless shit. Its the same pit that folks like Rush Limbaugh, Don Imus and their ilk have spawned from. Folks continue to promote and support this shit simply because "its entertaining." So was stoning and beheading back in the day.  All I want is for some HONESTY to return to television. Reality TV should stand up and say what the shows are really about.. 

RHOA should be renamed to the Bitter Bitches Hour. Although this title could also apply to Bad Girls Club. So how about we put them on back to back preceded by the show 16 and pregnant and call it the BITTER BITCHES BLOCK.. Yea i'm tossing 16 and pregnant under the damn bus. As if the decision to get pregnant or better yet, the decision to partake in actions that lead to teenage pregnancy aren't bad enough. We reward you with your OWN TV SHOW.

The Bachelor and Bachelorette could be renamed to A Pimp and His Whores or a Pimpstress and her ManWhores. I mean really, HOW FUCK DESPERATE AND LACKING IN PERSONAL RESPECT AND SELF CONFIDENCE, must you be to go on a show and COMPETE for someone to love you. Love and respect yourself first. I mean if you wanna be just a number that someone is dealing with just pick up a stray in the bar. It all amounts to the same shit. In the end you're either gonna get fucked or not. 

Dancing and Skating with the Stars new name should be Washed Up and Worn Out. The best thing about this show these shows are the porn parody's that have come from it. Can we cancel this shit and show something with some real stars. Hell when did figure skating and ballroom dancing make it to prime time anyway. I thought it was relegated to PBS (where the real professional preform (SHOUT TO WTTW CHICAGO).

Jersey Shore's new name should be Fucking and Drinking. An entire TV show dedicated to a bunch of over coiffed, overly tanned, promiscuous skanks and douche bags. Its a bunch of self conscious individuals looking for an easy lay. And they wanna be called stars. YOU DON'T DO SHIT YOU FUCKS!!!

Basketball Wives, Baller Wives or whatever the fuck yall  in this new series of shows based about the "WIVES" of athletes. The new name should be Skanky Whores. Uhh yea, most of em ain't married. They just sperm boxes or a fetal implantation clinic or just runners (If you don't know this term i suggest you hit up urban Dictionary) Just a bunch of ladies who decided to forgo the virtues of safe sex and groupify themselves and get pregnant by an athlete. Then you promote yourselves on a show with WIVE's in the title. I guess call yourselves a bunch of groupie fucks was to REAL huh.

Love and Hip Hop on BET I won't even say shit. As if the fact that BET is attempting to come up with pseudo-original programming isn't embarrassing enough, it's attempting to combine two African American mainstays (love and music) in a show. Just stick to fucking up The Game with your horrible concept writing.

I'm sure some of you who read this will say. This dude is nuggin futs. Or he's just using this blog to spout hatred at reality shows. And you know what, you're right. I AM nuts. Adjective you use, or simile  or metaphor that you can  create to describe me is probably true. It doesn't change the fact of what I said or the fact you spent time reading it. Thanks