For You....

Two years ago, I took a monumental step. More like a leap. A leap of love if you will. I married a woman who, to this day, I have no clue what the hell she was thinking. If you've read anything I've posted you've probably realized I'm off my rocker. Not a tad, slight, little bit. I'm completely off my rocker. It's not an or a persona I put on while blogging. It is who I really am. All of that, she said I do to. BRAVE WOMAN, Even till this day she gets props and kudos from friends for marrying me. Its not that I'm a bad guy. It's just that, well, I'm not all there.

Well today, is my anniversary. I must say that these two years have gone by much faster than I ever anticipated.  GOD has truly blessed me. He gave me an angel here on earth to watch over me. Someone to love and hold me when I'm not at my best. Someone to have my back. Someone who loves me, for me.

For all my faults, and issues. All my failures. She loves me. And I'm by far the luckiest bastard to ever walk the face of the earth. Let it be known that if an ass like me can find love then it's out there for everyone. So on this day I want to tell my wife. The woman of my dreams and nightmares (she can be evil when she wants to). I leave with this.

As day passes into night and night into day.

As summer follows winter and winter follows fall.

I shall always be there for you.

As a confidant, a friend, a protector.

I will always be your rock.

I will always be your husband. 

Thank you for making every day a special day.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!

Sardonicisms

Reality TV isn't reality at all. The only real shit on them are the fucking commercials.

Beauty is skin deep, only when ugly folks complain to much.

Single women rely heavily on their independence. Until they need help.

Being married is a gift and a curse. Gift being you always have somebody. Curse is you always have somebody.

Beyonce is not the best singer around.

Men and women can be friends, without sex being involved. Those who say differently are just pissed cause they had a friend they hit on and they got turned down.

A fuck is a beautiful thing.

Head is mandatory in a relationship. If you don't someone else will.

Treat each day of life like a battle in a war. Strive to win each day the best way you know how. 

Just cause you're dumb that's no reason to be an asshole. It's not the worlds fault you're dumb.

Being too smart may result in an ass whipping at one point in your life.

Food fights in school were great. Unless you wore your good clothes or got caught starting it.

Late term abortions should be legal. Why can't I kill that dumb ass 25 year old who got my order wrong.

Intelligent Black men are a dying breed :(

Men: Always have a wing man. You never know when you need someone to flirt with the ugly girl in the group.

Ladies: Always have a BFF (or whatever the fuck yall call her) so yall don't go outside looking like your coochie ain't been washed since the Resurrection. Unless she looks like her's ain't been washed since the day GOD took a rest.

Leggings ain't for everyone

The White Tee fad is dead (take yo ass out and get a job)

The perpetually unemployed are always "TO GOOD" to work at McDonald's. Hell fast food workers are more respected than your always unemployed ass.

Can you tell I was bored.

Remember 11:08 pm

Sept 21st, 2011 at 11:08pm the State of Georgia, executed Troy Davis. A man convicted of murdering an off duty police officer in Savannah, Ga on August 19th, 1989.I won't rehash or go over the details of  his case. Most people know of it. If you don't click here. The link will take you to a wiki about the incident.

Let me just put this out there now an say it. Troy Davis, was lynched. Yep, umm hmm I said it. This was a legally sanctioned, court approved, supreme court backed lynching. Now for those not in the know, lynching's were the "punishment" of choice down south, back in the day when a nigger did something wrong. Yea, that's a harsh way of putting it but you've read some of my other posts (hopefully) I'm a tell it like it is guy. They ALWAYS involved a black man who was accused and convicted (convicted not in the legal sense) of some crime for which there was no physical proof. Only the WORD of someone else. Now let that marinate for a second... 

Its not about the fact that he may have been Innocent. I'm not a lawyer nor have I read the transcripts.Nor am I a judge. i can't determine guilt or innocence on half the facts.

It's not because he's a black man being executed in a traditionally racist state.

It's not even because it was the "NEW BLACK MOMENT" to follow as I'm sure some will later call this entire event. 

I'm pissed because this man was killed because he couldn't afford a high priced attorney to represent him the way he deserved.

I'm pissed because it took something like this for people to realize that racism is still alive.

I'm fucking pissed because when I read the news, you've got to struggle to find mention of this case. No media attention was brought to this injustice.

I'm REALLY FUCKING PISSED because out of 9 witness' 7 of them recanted their stories. 3 juror's stated that if they'd been presented the evidence that was available today they would have ruled differently. Yet the courts could have cared less.

I'm SUPREMELY PISSED because a black man was LYNCHED by the fucking legal system that is supposed to protect us and defend our rights. 

I'm UBER PISSED cause he was executed while doubt still remained. He wasn't asking to be let free. He wanted another chance to prove his innocence in light new evidence and the change in witness statements. 

A black man, convicted of a crime, on someone else's word. That's why I am pissed about this.

Doubt, a noun, meaning a feeling of uncertainty or conviction. Unsure, or you just don't know. Either way, to take a man's life, while there is doubt. Is just wrong..

So Troy Davis, lost his battle. And for his loss he's moved on to a better place. Let us not lose the war. We must continue to fight the fight. Let's us always remember 11:08 pm

untitled...

I'm hear to educate some women folks on what it means to keep a MAN happy. Most of yall function on the theory of a man wants a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets. Yea I won't lie, we do. Yet I bet this term was coined by either a woman or a single man. Simply because this statement is so frigging narrow minded and tunnel visioned that ONLY someone WITHOUT experience in a stable and successful relationship with women could have thought of it.

There are plenty of Men who've got a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets and but they ain't happy.. Some of you may question "How is that possible? Isn't that all men need?" Ladies, ask your self this question, "Were you not that lady and that freak and he STILL left you?" Most will answer yes. And hears one of the reasons he left. YOU AIN'T HAVE SHIT ELSE GOING!!!

You don't cook, clean, wash dishes fold clothes, can't talk about current events, can't change a tire. All you can do is fuck. And you do that mighty damn finely. Yes you're a lady in the streets. A fucking dumb one. You look good in that mirror don't you. Yet you're the last one to get every joke and most days you never hear the birds that chirp everytime someone ask's you a question.

Now some of you will read this and be like "Ohh thats not me. I've got a great job. I've got a bachelor's degree from yada yada university. I've got my own crib. My own car. My own money. I don't need no man to complete me." Good, be that chick. So when your car breaks down, push that shit into the lot ya damn self. When you got a busted pipe call that plumber to fix it for you. When you need that orgasm, gone head and break out ya B.O.B (ya vibrator for you folks that don't know). Simply becasue you're attitude sucks shitty monkey nuts and no self respecting man wants a woman as controling and castigating as you're apt to be. Its great to have your own. Men truly love a woman who has her own yet when a woman is so INTO having her own she's liable to shit on any man she's with.

I can hear it now. Some place there's a woman reading this (i mean i've only got 5 readers on a good week anyway 2 of which are probably women)  saying uhh, i don't fit either one of these examples. "I don't care what he does. I don't care where he goes or who he's with. As long as he pays my bills I could care less." I'm not gonna dwell too much on this one simply becasue she can't keep a man happy cause SHE DON'T CARE.

How can you make your man happy? How do you keep him happy?

Communicate and congraulate him. Let him know when he's doing great things for you. That you appreciate the things he does for you. Talk to him about his day. Even when yours was supremely shitty. Life it hard, especially for a black man. We have to deal with society always dealing us two strikes when we leave the house. We don't need our women shitting on us even more when we come home.

Caress and cuddle with him.  jump into his lap and just talk for a few minutes. Don't always wait for him to be the agressor. Show him you love him. Any woman can fuck your man, only you can love him.

Put the independent woman status on hold for a day or so. Yes we love an independent woman, yet we also love a woman who can ACT as if she needs a knight in shining armor. Let him do things to help you. Hell subtly make him do things for you. Its called manupulation and all women, ALL WOMEN, do it.  Don't let the singers screw up your head. They all make it seem like its great being independent. It is, yet don't let you over dependency on being independent translate into lonliness. Here's a lil hint. Men like a woman with a tad bit (just a small amount of neediness). It lets us know you want us around for more than just a fuck.

Most importantly let him be him. You can't control what he's gonna do or who he should be friends with. If he has female friends become friends with those female friends. If he looks at something appealing let him look. He's with you not dead. Besides yall do the shit. And let one of yall say you don't.  If Brad Pitt or Boris "don'tdatebiggirls" Kudjo came around shirtless yall would drool like a dog over a steak. So don't front. Besides he might be looking and comparing her to you.

S.L.Y.D.E.R.S: Whte Castles and Fat Folks

WARNING!! WARNING!! WARNING!! WARNING!! WARNING!!

This message is going to be down right full of profanity. Seriously... No i'm fucking serious. I'm apt to break a personal record with this shit. So if you're a softy who says tush instead of ass,  or or you're so up tight miners shove coal up your ass in hopes of getting a diamond shitting out then please stop here.....

I gave fair warning. So if you are offended by any of the fucking shit my intelligentally ignorant ass says after this. ITS YO DAMN FAULT!!!

S.L.Y.D.E.R.S:  Simply Lost Yo Damn Elephantine Realistical Sense:

I can say this about this dude simply because I'm fat. Yes I admitted it. I'm a big ass, always in the way ass, can't find clothes to fit my ass easily, always squished by theater seat ass fat man. Yea that me. I'm hard to miss when I walk by. If I put on a red suit I'd look like the Kool Aid Man. Yep I'm all that. And you know what. I'm proud of it. I'm working on losing weight and I will be a smaller man in the years to come. Yet over all I'm happy being in the Skinn I'm in. I'm happy and those that know me are happy, or at least pretend to be. They're probably waiting for the day my fat ass falls the fuck over and has a triple bacon burger induced heart attack. I digress.. or maybe its waddle my fat ass to the next point who knows..

Anyway, as I was saying I'm happy and comfortable. I understand that the world is not my oyster. That its made for all these skinny heroin chic bastards, who are wafer thin. And if I farted hard enough it would probably knock they skinny asses down. Yea, them. I know that there are certain places that I can buy clothes in (fuck old navy and Macy's). When I ride a bus I know I'm not even gonna attempt to sit next to someone. It would be an invasion of their personal space. Especially that seat in the middle of two folks, Fuck that I will gladly stand with my fat boy nuts in your skinny man/woman's face. TAKE THAT BITCH!!!

Fuck now where was I.. Or better yet where the hell am I headed with this shit. Ahh here it is. So as I was saying. When I go out I take my enormous ass into account and factor in where I can actually sit when I go into a restaurant. You won't catch me attempting to sit in, ohh lets say WHITE CASTLES booths.

There it is. The reason for this fat man's rant. You all have heard about it. Some dude who weighs 290lbs is gonna sue White Castles cause he can't squeeze into their booths. Why you gotta point this shit out... Us fat folks KNOW we too damn big to be sitting in them tiny ass booths. We know that shit. So what do we do. We take our cases (them little ass burgers you know we need a case just to get close to full), and go home. Yes we GO HOME.. I'm not even thinking about sitting in White Castle looking ever fatter than I am eating a fucking Slyder. And here's why

1. If you ain't know I'M FAT. Fucking skinny folks always turn they noses up when they see me eat. It don't matter if its a salad or a 7 courses meal.
2. Its White Castles. We're talking the CHEAPEST of the CHEAP fast food joint. Hell They don't even have a dollar menu. Why not?? CAUSE THE BURGERS ARE FUCKING CHEAP.
3.White Castle burgers are covered in onions. As we all know onions give you gas.... Think about that for a second... Everyone there is eating burgers that will at some point make them fart. I'll pass on the public fart fest. I'd rather let them rip in my own home.

Now with that in mind WHY THE FUCK WOULD MY FAT ASS DECIDE TO SIT IN THE BOOTH!!! I mean get real. So this dude that's suing them because the booths are too small is just another fat fucker looking for someone else to justify and accept his fattiness. You're mad cause the seats are too small. Bitch, you're fucking it up for the rest of us. Now what they'll do is increase the size of the seat to accommodate fat folks and now those oh so cheap, gas inducing burgers that you LOVE so much AIN'T CHEAP NO MORE. So now instead of being a fat ass fucker with no place to sit in White Castle you're now a cheaper fat ass fucker with ample places to sit. Simply because now NO ONE wants to pay $2 bucks for a 3oz burger covered in 6oz of onions.

Obesity, is a disease. Yes i'll admit it. I've battled it my entire life.. I'm working on totally conquering this battle and until I've beaten this beast, I will continue to fight. Yet dumb asses like this make everyone that struggling seem so damn petty. You're not suing for healthier options or smaller portion sizes. You're not suing cause medical plans discriminate against us due to our size. Hell you're not even suing LifeSource for not accepting blood donations for people over a certain weight limit because their chair are weight tested up to a certain weight (yea its true. I can't donate blood to save lives cause i'm fat). Instead you're suing a FAST FOOD RESTAURANT (which is inherently bad for us) doesn't have seats that we can sit in. You belittle the fight that many of us wage on a daily basis.

So please the next time one of my fat brethren decide they want to "sue" some restaurant for not taking into account their girth. Take yo fat ass home and eat the burger in the comfort of your own fat welcoming sanctuary. Or better yet. Eat a salad and go for a walk.

OK I'm done. This shit is long. And.... windy..... hmm now I want a Wendy's frosty...Well time to go and squeeze my big ass into a tiny booth for a meal that I shouldn't be eating anyway.

Skin

Its been a min since i've written. Mainly due to not having anything to say. Yet while reading the news yesterday I came across an interesting and highly disturbing story. Woman Dies After Injecting Face With Hot Beef Fat. Now look at that title for a second. She dies after injecting face with hot beef fat. Now his headline is a journalist WET dream. I mean when you see it it IMMEDIATELY makes you think this lady died as a DIRECT RESULT of the injection. Alas, she did not. She died of another medical complication that just happened to arise after the injection. Now its tragic that she's passed on. I'm not making lite of her death. In fact, her death is not even the most troubling part of this whole story. The troubling part is WHY THE FUCK YOU INJECTING YOUR FACE WITH BEEF FAT???

OK, this shit has got to stop. First there was the wigs and phony nails. Fine we accepted that. Then came the silicone breast implants. They look nice on some women done in moderation. IN MODERATION PEOPLE!!!! When your tits are as big as two twelve year olds and they aren't natural THAT SHIT'S NASTY!!. Then there was the butt implants/injections. I'm gonna blame this one on my Beautiful Black Queens. Their asses are so damn plump and juicy looking that folks got jealous and had to have a way of getting what GOD ain't give them naturally... Fine.. Its fucked up, but fine, i'll roll with it.

Now we're on to wrinkle removal. Wrinkle removal.. Want a way to stop wrinkles from forming forever. KILL YA DAMN SELF.. Yea I said it. Go out and just kill yo damn self. What in the hell has made wrinkles so bad? When you get to a certain age you're  gonna have wrinkles. YOU should have them. It means you've lived long long life. Rejoice in it. Accept it. Now if you're 30 and your forehead looks like a Ruffles Potato chip maybe you need to talk to your doctor about stress management. Either that or get laid more.

Grey hair and wrinkles are all a part of getting older. Its natural. Nothing to be ashamed of or scared of. Hell, I personally think women with grey hair look beautiful. And even men with grey hair have a more distinguished look about themselves. They look wiser. I can't wait till I get a head full of grey hair.... OK that's a lie, I'm NEVER gonna have a head full of grey hair, or black for that matter. I've been going bald since I was 21.

Its weird to me that this lady would Inject beef fat into her face in an effort to remove a natural and beautiful part of the aging process. Accept it. Stop spending money on shit to "Hide the signs of aging" and embrace those signs. You've earned them. Besides, if you're out spending money on these products and surgeries you're more than likely already attractive enough. Think about it, anyone you ever thing of as hideously ugly EVER invest in this shit??? (its a joke people)

Keep it up and a huge portion of the population is gonna look like Joan Rivers. She looks like a broken in 90 year old leather coat. All that surgery hasn't helped her one damn bit.
Kids are doing their damnedest to look older and older people are doing the opposite. Be happy with who you are, in your skin. Don't attempt to wear someone or SOMETHING else's. Its not worth it.