WARNING!! WARNING!! WARNING!! WARNING!! WARNING!!
This message is going to be down right full of profanity. Seriously... No i'm fucking serious. I'm apt to break a personal record with this shit. So if you're a softy who says tush instead of ass, or or you're so up tight miners shove coal up your ass in hopes of getting a diamond shitting out then please stop here.....
I gave fair warning. So if you are offended by any of the fucking shit my intelligentally ignorant ass says after this. ITS YO DAMN FAULT!!!
S.L.Y.D.E.R.S: Simply Lost Yo Damn Elephantine Realistical Sense:
I can say this about this dude simply because I'm fat. Yes I admitted it. I'm a big ass, always in the way ass, can't find clothes to fit my ass easily, always squished by theater seat ass fat man. Yea that me. I'm hard to miss when I walk by. If I put on a red suit I'd look like the Kool Aid Man. Yep I'm all that. And you know what. I'm proud of it. I'm working on losing weight and I will be a smaller man in the years to come. Yet over all I'm happy being in the Skinn I'm in. I'm happy and those that know me are happy, or at least pretend to be. They're probably waiting for the day my fat ass falls the fuck over and has a triple bacon burger induced heart attack. I digress.. or maybe its waddle my fat ass to the next point who knows..
Anyway, as I was saying I'm happy and comfortable. I understand that the world is not my oyster. That its made for all these skinny heroin chic bastards, who are wafer thin. And if I farted hard enough it would probably knock they skinny asses down. Yea, them. I know that there are certain places that I can buy clothes in (fuck old navy and Macy's). When I ride a bus I know I'm not even gonna attempt to sit next to someone. It would be an invasion of their personal space. Especially that seat in the middle of two folks, Fuck that I will gladly stand with my fat boy nuts in your skinny man/woman's face. TAKE THAT BITCH!!!
Fuck now where was I.. Or better yet where the hell am I headed with this shit. Ahh here it is. So as I was saying. When I go out I take my enormous ass into account and factor in where I can actually sit when I go into a restaurant. You won't catch me attempting to sit in, ohh lets say WHITE CASTLES booths.
There it is. The reason for this fat man's rant. You all have heard about it. Some dude who weighs 290lbs is gonna sue White Castles cause he can't squeeze into their booths. Why you gotta point this shit out... Us fat folks KNOW we too damn big to be sitting in them tiny ass booths. We know that shit. So what do we do. We take our cases (them little ass burgers you know we need a case just to get close to full), and go home. Yes we GO HOME.. I'm not even thinking about sitting in White Castle looking ever fatter than I am eating a fucking Slyder. And here's why
1. If you ain't know I'M FAT. Fucking skinny folks always turn they noses up when they see me eat. It don't matter if its a salad or a 7 courses meal.
2. Its White Castles. We're talking the CHEAPEST of the CHEAP fast food joint. Hell They don't even have a dollar menu. Why not?? CAUSE THE BURGERS ARE FUCKING CHEAP.
3.White Castle burgers are covered in onions. As we all know onions give you gas.... Think about that for a second... Everyone there is eating burgers that will at some point make them fart. I'll pass on the public fart fest. I'd rather let them rip in my own home.
Now with that in mind WHY THE FUCK WOULD MY FAT ASS DECIDE TO SIT IN THE BOOTH!!! I mean get real. So this dude that's suing them because the booths are too small is just another fat fucker looking for someone else to justify and accept his fattiness. You're mad cause the seats are too small. Bitch, you're fucking it up for the rest of us. Now what they'll do is increase the size of the seat to accommodate fat folks and now those oh so cheap, gas inducing burgers that you LOVE so much AIN'T CHEAP NO MORE. So now instead of being a fat ass fucker with no place to sit in White Castle you're now a cheaper fat ass fucker with ample places to sit. Simply because now NO ONE wants to pay $2 bucks for a 3oz burger covered in 6oz of onions.
Obesity, is a disease. Yes i'll admit it. I've battled it my entire life.. I'm working on totally conquering this battle and until I've beaten this beast, I will continue to fight. Yet dumb asses like this make everyone that struggling seem so damn petty. You're not suing for healthier options or smaller portion sizes. You're not suing cause medical plans discriminate against us due to our size. Hell you're not even suing LifeSource for not accepting blood donations for people over a certain weight limit because their chair are weight tested up to a certain weight (yea its true. I can't donate blood to save lives cause i'm fat). Instead you're suing a FAST FOOD RESTAURANT (which is inherently bad for us) doesn't have seats that we can sit in. You belittle the fight that many of us wage on a daily basis.
So please the next time one of my fat brethren decide they want to "sue" some restaurant for not taking into account their girth. Take yo fat ass home and eat the burger in the comfort of your own fat welcoming sanctuary. Or better yet. Eat a salad and go for a walk.
OK I'm done. This shit is long. And.... windy..... hmm now I want a Wendy's frosty...Well time to go and squeeze my big ass into a tiny booth for a meal that I shouldn't be eating anyway.
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