SHIT, DAMN MOTHERFUCKER....

..... and all the rest. Ain't nothing like letting a good one rip.Just try it. Think of something that REALLY pisses you off. Like being cut off in bumper to bumper traffic. An extra long wait at the crack house (Starbucks) only to find out they don't have the ingredients for your morning fix. Stubbing your toe. You pissed yet, OK now yell with me SHITDAMNMOTHERFUCKINGBITCHASSCUNT. I bet you feel so much better now don't you.. I know you do. Curse words are stress relievers. That's what I love about them. A perfectly executed FUCK will make you feel so much better. Yet here's my question. Why are these words so bad?

What genius decided to say that words that give us so much pleasure should be deemed as curse words? What silly ASSHOLE decided that I can't FUCKING call someone else an ASSHAT when they've pissed me the FUCK off. How else am I going to let that MOTHERFUCKER know I'm pissed the fuck off. Seriously. For example, let say someone borrows your car with out permission and then they total it. I'm talkin that joint is TRASHED. Which is gonna make you feel better saying. "I'm upset with what you did." or "I'M PISSED THE FUCK OFF YOU DID SOMETHING THIS FUCKING STUPID. YOU ASSHOLE."

. Hell if you think about it. Why should we ban words that give us pleasure. We aren't hurting anyone else with a well placed SHITTY ASS BASTARD dropped into the conversation. Are we. Well if you're the bastard in question you might get offended but that's your own damn fault. Stop being a bastard and the tag will be removed.

So back to my original question. Who gave that BITCH the right to say what words should be listed as profane? On who's authority was that decision based. Cause i didn't get a vote. There are words that are clearly more hurtful and unappealing to the ears.

IRS
TAXES
GAS PRICES
RACISM
NIGGER
WIGGER
LIMBAUGH
PALIN
HATE
SWAG
SWAGGER
ANY WORD USING ANY DERIVATION OF THE WORD SWAG
UNEMPLOYMENT
BABY DADDY
BABY MOMMA

And the list goes on and on. Whenever you hear those words you immediately cringe. They cause you to have thought of all the evil and bad things in this world. FUCK doesn't do that. When you hear that word doesn't it make you think of anything bad. You don't cringe and hide. Hell depending on when you hear it you may get a hard on or a wet spot in your panties. You know I'm right.

So the next time a  Wigger who also happens to be your Baby Daddy/Momma comes to you and says. "You know I actually like the swagger of Limbaugh and Palin and I think the IRS should raise taxes. I also think the reason for the high gas prices is due to the unemployment rate of all the niggers in this county. Who I hate with all of my swagged out soul."

Your response can be
"I agree"
or
"I disagree"
Or "
Get your motherfucking bitch ass outta here with that bullshit you ignorant ass bastard."

Which makes you fell better AND gets your point across at the same time.

My name is SardonicRhetoric and I approve of this message.

IN GOD WE SUE

Dear MR GOD,
We are writing to inform you that you are here by named as the sole defendant in a pending legal matter. A class action laws suit has been filed due to the nature of your business. As the creator of all mankind you it is your responsibility to ensure that your creations do not act in a manner that is harmful nor malicious to others. As it has been documented throughout history, this has not been the case. Lying, cheating, stealing, raping and murdering all are crimes that have been perpetuated by your creations and my clients have decided that it is time for you to own up to your actions or lack thereof.

Our basis for these charges are as such: We have proof that your creations have been acting on your orders since they were created. In the Auto biographical book titled The Bible, in Genesis 1:27-28  it states "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” From this day forth your creations have been acting under your explicit orders........

OK so I'm sure who ever is reading this is probably saying, "This dude has lost what little bit of mind he had left." And you know what, you're probably right. I'm going insane, Yet its not my damn fault. Let me explain.

As society has become more industrial, and more capitalistic, it has also become more fault driven. More revenge based and litigious. As the litigious nature of society has increased the moral ethics of society has gone into the shitter. Its always someone else's fault.  These two stories are symbolic of  the type of misplaced blame some have adopted.
Woman Sues Foul Loko for sons death
Woman Sue Girl Who killed her son with 1 punch

My next statement is gonna be very harsh but it needs to be said. THE ONLY PEOPLE AT FAULT ARE THOSE WHO DIED. There I said it. you may not want to but I did it for you. Your son dies cause he WILLINGLY accepted a bet that ended with him dying?? Your son bought a drink that was alcoholic at died?  Its gotten to the point that whenever someone does something its not their fault. Someone else is behind it. Where is the ownership?

Publish Post

So if these folks can sue why can't I file a lawsuit for negligence against the Almighty Father.  If you look at it, he's the creator of all things. It all started with him. So yea its his fault, ain't it...

Sight Unseen

This is what I wake up to every day. No not the actual scenery in the picture. The way it looks. That foggy haze. The doubles and halos. This is what my vision is like on almost a daily basis. I suffer from Keratoconus. Keratoconus (kera-tow-cone-us) is a degenerative non-inflammatory disorder of the eye in which structural changes within the cornea cause it to thin and change to a more conical shape than its normal, even curve. Keratoconus can cause substantial distortion of the vision, with multiple images, streaking and sensitivity to light all often reported by the patient. Though frequently thought of as a rare condition, keratoconus is the most common dystrophy of the cornea, affecting around one person in a thousand, and it seems to occur equally in all ethnic groups worldwide. That's a definitions I obtained off the Internet. Basically what it means due to the unnatural shape of my cornea, light is interpreted incorrectly which results in these vision distortions. No i can't have Lasik and no glasses don't work. I'm stuck with contacts. And not the comfortable kind either. The frigging hard ones. If you've never worn contacts you can't relate but all my contact wearers' will certainly understand. These are the most uncomfortable things to ever put into your eyes(at times.)

I was diagnosed about 5 years ago and since then I've had to adjust to life in a different line of site. Gone are the days of extended road trips with me being the primary driver or late night excursions to BFE (butt fuck Egypt) with my friends just to have a drink and a laugh. Not unless I have my contacts with me. These things are like a damn cane. If I'm going here or there I must have them with me. Simply because if I don't well, someone else is driving.

Depending on someone else to drive has never been something I had to do until I was diagnosed. I was the driver. Now, I'm regulated to the passenger seat most nights. My day time driving is fine, ( as long as it doesn't rain). As soon as dusk hits, my visions acts like a reverse vampire. It goes into hiding until daybreak. And let me tell you  this sucks. Its an emotional toll like no other I've had simply because, my sight is my everything. Luckily for me one eye is drastically better, or drastically worse depending on how you wanna view my glass. So I'm not ALWAYS dependent on my contacts. And this is good, simply becasue sometimes they don't stay in. Imagine that. The thing that's supposed to give me sight keeps popping out and then my blind ass has to call for help so my wife can help me find it (GOD I love her).

I won't go into all of the emotional adjustments my ass has gone through since being diagnosed. I won't comment on the days i can go where my vision is a complete fog and my eyes are so irritated that I can't wear my contacts. Won't talk about just flat out wishing shit was different. My purpose today is to share a little bit of me, with you. When you ask me to come out and I don't. When you tell me to look for something and I take forever or over look it. When you wonder why I've got a spaced out look in my eyes. This is why. Welcome to my world

of
Sight
Unseen

"I'm not anti-rap. In fact, like Bret Baier, I know the lyrics to 'Rapper's Delight,' too." Sarah Palin quote....


OK I swear i damn near shit myself when I read this. Seriously. I think I got skid marks on my on my undies right now. Feeling all squishy in the butt...


WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SUPPOSED TO MEAN!!!!! You know the lyrics to ONE damn rap song. So what?? Terrorist know one fact about America. You telling me that makes them not anti-American. So oh just because you know ONE damn song you're a fan of rap. TRICK PLEASE!!!!! You make my squishy ass itch. ( i really think i shitted myself when I read that).


And I thought Trump saying "I'm not racist, one of my winners is black" was gonna be the dumbest shit I heard this week outside of work. BOY WAS I WRONG. My response "AND So what!!!"Will someone give these dumb asses a clue cause statements like these only prove one thing. The person using it REALLY IS WHAT THEY CLAIM NOT TO BE.


Folks who say any of the following statements are flat out fucking lying and may harbor racist intentions.
"I'm not racist. One of my friends is ....."
"I've seen gay people before.... So i'm not against gays but they shouldn't marry..."
"Its not you, its me..."
"I don't think you're that fat..."
"I've hired (insert races here) before. Look there..."
"My gardener, Jose` does great work for cheap..."




Just because you have ONE person, or know ONE thing about a topic does not make you an expert. Nor does it mean you're not against or anti- whatever. All it means is that at some point in your life you've encountered ONE NOUN ( yall know, a person, a place or a thing) that fits into the category up for discussion. Hell i'm sure there are a ton of Neo-Nazi who've interacted with folks who aren't white. Are you gonna tell me THEY ain't racist. Know what folks like you probably would. Yall would call them Exclusionistic.


You've got one white friend, one black friend, one gay or whatever. Doesn't mean you AREN'T a damn thing. Stop quantifying shit. Saying you have one.. makes you look worse than saying you don't have any. Not having any I can understand. Saying you have one is like saying "I've got a nigger in my back pocket so whenever someone accuses me of being racist I can say LOOK AT MY ONE BLACK FRIEND." 


I would respect them more (not much more) if they basically said I'm not anti-rap or racist or anti-gay or whatever and left it at that. The minute folks quantify shit it loses me. Simply because in MY mind, if they are a friend or if its truly a liking or a love of yours, you CAN'T quantify it. Folks quantify things they own or collect. You can't quantify a love for a particular genre of music. Nor can you quantify your love or appreciation for another race, creed or sexual orientation. To quantify it, is to belittle its importance. Or in certain cases (Trump and Palin) it gives you an out. In their eyes 1 is better than none. I'd rather say none and stand by my answer than take the cowards way out and quantify it and then attempt to explain it.


LIKE YODA SAYS "EITHER YOU DO OR YOUR DON'T. THERE IS NO TRY." Either you're anti-whatever, a racist or whatever. Don't trot out a frigging figure head to justify your own damn stupidity.


Now if yall will excuse me i'm going to wipe my ass and change my drawers. I know the lyrics to Rappers Delight." WHO THE FUCK DOESN'T. 

Searching

I have nothing to write about. I started to write about people using the Internet to act like someone TOTALLY different. Oh you don't know what I'm referring to, you say. Ladies, yall know yall got a girlfriend who acts like a saint in all her Facebook post and tweets, but the chick's a hoe. She sucking mo dick than Bristol Palin is about to be after moving into a house with two guys. She's taking it up the ass more than Elton John. She always talking about finding a good man while she's polishing the knob on a few drug dealers. Yall got one. Then I realized, that's a dead end. No one like to call out they trifling ass friends to their faces. So the trifling ass friend stays trifling.

I started to talk about dumb ass dead beat moms and dads. Yea there are some dead beat moms out there. Then I realized. why bother. They are both gonna get there's in the end. I mean yall lay around like tile flooring in Walmart and fuck and fuck and fuck. Someone ends up pregnant and then yall say I don't wanna be bothered. Someone should put a full body condom on yall bastards and dump yall in the river. Ole disease spreading, baby making, community killing bastards. Irresponsible fucks like yall can procreate and others can't. GRRRRRR!!! Talking about this has been done to death. No inspiration here either

Started to talk about Osama or Usama depending on how you wanna spell it. Then said fuck that. He's dead. Although now his family is upset he was killed. (Insert side eye) I mean really. We are at WAR with Al Qaeda. This ain't no damn tea party. What the fuck you mean he should have been captured and brought to trial. If this had been a police raid, I could understand. ITS WAR!!!! He's been killing innocents for too damn long and if he was so worried about his family he'd have stopped LOOONG ago. So please will the sons of bin Laden enjoy yall 15 mins of fame and DISAPPEAR. PLEASE!!!! I'm not saying what happened to him was right or wrong. It was an expected outcome based on the facts

Palin, hell no. I'm not ready to diss her yet (again). The only thing she's given us is some very funny skits by Tina Fey and very good pornos.

Fox news/faux news

Shit i'm tired. Not having anything to write about is exhausting.

An Open Letter to President Obama

Dear, Mr. President.
        Thank you for all the hard work you do as the commander and Chief of the United States of America.. Thank you for being a positive black role model and thank you for being a father. It must be hard not being able to tell them how you really feel. I'm talking about everyone. From the republicans with their sinpy ass comments about the job you're doing. I mean really where do they come up with some of this shit that they decide they want to focus on. You're not this, you're not that it must have been hard to not tell them."I am a man, damnit and as a my why don't you kiss my ass and shut the fuck up." It has to be hard not to go off like that. So I commend you for that.

I also commend you for the wonderful job that you are actually doing as President of the United States. I know you probably don't hear it a lot but its gotta be a tough thankless job. Long nights, lots of stress. Sort of like being a step father. You spend all your time looking after, protecting and providing for someone else's (child) only to have that ungrateful lil bastard turn around and spit in your face yelling "You ain't my daddy." So once more kudos for doing the job you do with poise and class.

I will probably have my ghetto pass revoked for saying this but I will say it anyway. I did not expect you to wave a magic wand and magically "fix" all the problems plaguing black America as some folks did. We know how our people are. The min someone that looks like one of us is in a position of power the first thing they'll yell is "Yo, you gonna hook me up or what."  Its annoying as shit ain't it? I for one is still working hard to provide for my family. Still pursuing different avenues to personal achievement and how to better myself. I'm not looking for a hand out. I understand that you can't fix everything. And I accept that. You're doing the best you can given the shitty hand you were dealt. So good job.

I understand that you may never read this. And that's fine. I will put it out there into the cosmos for all the "world" or the three faithful readers I have to see. I salute you Mr. President  and thank you for what you are doing.

P.S. You really should let Michelle and her crew roll over to Sarah Palins crib and give her an attitude adjustment. Let them train with Seal Team 6 for a few weeks, and then they can roll in on some stealth shit beat her ass and roll out..

P.S.S You also should have someone buy Donald Trump a better hairpiece. I mean that thing is HORRID. Also can you get me a copy of Tripp Palins' birth certificate. I don't think Sarah Palin is the real momma. I think that tramp of a daughter of hers is the real daughter.

The Joy of Being Me

I've come to realize a very important fact about myself.

People must really like me.

When I walk down the street,  if someone is coming towards me they move to the side. Especially folks of other races. They especially do it. I mean they practically fall over them selves to give me space. I also think they realize I don't like folks in my personal space. When we get on an elevator they all move to one side. At first I thought my deodorant wasn't working to well then I realized that I smell like roses. So they must ALL know about my personal space issue. Hey, more room for me right.

Also lets not forget if I get on a bus. If their bags are in a seat and I blink POOF!!! Those bags are gone and a seat miraculously opens up for me. Then its the personal space issue cause the min I sit down they cower into the corner. One poor lady must have been sick with the flu. She was shivering like it was 20 below on the bus. Yet it was 90 degrees outside.

Being me, gets even better. When I go into some restaurants. My server waits until they've serviced all their other tables before coming to me. She wants me to have her undivided attention. Now isn't that just nice. I JUST NOTICED I'VE GOT A PERSONAL ARMED ESCORT!!! Shopping in malls has gotten so danger sous these days so it helps ease my mind when I look over my shoulder and notice that there is a security guard watching everything I do. He even followed me when I went into the changing room. Well not quite. He didn't go in with me. Just stood off to the side protecting me. It was so nice. I felt safe.

Even driving home, the police stop me just to make sure the car is mine. Those officers. Always looking out for me. That's the 10 time this week I've been asked that question by them. I'll have to remember to donate to the FOP later this year. I'll have to make sure to ask them what to make of the letters I keep getting. One was a letter saying take the slow boat back to Africa. (I've always wanted to take a cruise). Another was a a picture of a raccoon with my name written underneath. (Cute animals but not good pets).

Oh well, I'm just glad to be me. A black man in America. The land where racism is dead....(insert side eye here)